Brian Crain... heard this song today on my Pandora Chill station....

Has a lot of my favorite artists, most are what i consider pretty soft and relaxing. Heavy piano influence, syth vocals, and such. Coldplay, Aqualung, Etc... I added Hans Zimmer recently, because I love him... unfortunately most of my favorite composers don't show up on Pandora.
But this guy popped up. Really liked it... Now I want to find a few more... really liked him.

I came across some interest freeware today, thought I'd give a shout out.

Open office is a wonderful piece of software, almost as awe inspiring as Linux. And I don't just say that because Linux has a penguin as a mascot. ;)

http://www.openoffice.org/

It competes, or rathers kicks microsofts ass because, well, lets just say it... It's cheap.. Hell, I stand corrected... It's free!!!

Which certaintly takes the cake in regards to a certain someone's plus 100 dollar software which usually only covers three or four software programs.

While Open office, does not!

And I loved that. My Word 07 ran out of it's free trial on a newer laptop of mine, and I got fed up waiting on a sale of microsoft or shopping for that exclusive student discount that appears once in a blue moon.

I emailed my schools software/technical department, and they pointed me to open office. Oh how the gods shined on me when I visited the website. I almost cried! Six magnificent programs wrapped into one neat happy package waiting for me to open, or rather download. I really only needed three of them, but still, Christmas came early for this happy go lucky girl.

And it's not like they weren't compatible with my previous documents. No crazy errors, or pages and pages of jumbled blocks and letters. Just simple conversions. And I can still send documents to people, it opens fine on their computers with their word program.

So, if you're fed up with the man, or simply looking for the better deal, check them out. They've worked out a lot of the kinks, and a newer version is actually due soon. Keep you fingers crossed.

http://www.openoffice.org/

There are times when you want to reflect on your life, look back and see all the good you've done. All the bad.

Me?

I just want to party like it's 1999 baby!

Haha... but really... I've been thinking lately... which is never a good sign. What the hell am I doing? Really? I'm going through the motions, not really taking time to think about where I'm going, let alone where I've been...

And for what? To do what is "right"?... What's "normal"?

Go to school. Graduate high school. Go to college. Graduate. Find a job. Settle down. Have a family. Retire. Die.

Seems a bit... Well, a bit.

I want more. I don't want to find the happiness in the little moments, I want to celebrate the big bang.

I want to look back in five years and be flabbergasted on where I was today. And where I am tomorrow.

But what is it that I want. I don't know.
I don't know where I belong. Where to be, who to be, what to be.

So many questions, So many concepts, So many thoughts.

I wonder about this bullet train that I call a brain. One day will I wake up and realize that it had been replaced by a bullet train?

If I died today, would I be remembered? Yes, I supposed I would be. But what about ten years from now? Ok, family will remember. Twenty years? How about fifty? Or lets go for the kicker. How about two hundred. No one would be around still that would have known be and remember me.

I want to leave my footprint. A good footprint.

I want the world to know me. Know I've done good. Can be good. Am good.

Today I watched The Soloist. It really made me reevaluate my life and how I viewed others. I also read a few blogs, articles, and other scraps related to homelessness. I am humbled. Truly. If you get an opportunity to view this under credited work of art based on the true story of Nathaniel A Ayers and Steve Lopez, please do.



When I'm driving, especially downtown, I tend to see a lot of homeless people. A few of them catch my eye and I feel compelled to help them. If I have a few dollars on my I try and give them something, but usually I want to give them food, because, in my superior attitude, I feel like money might be wasted on alcohol, or drug addictions. But who am I to judge? Who am I to feel superior?

I feel like I've been doing a handstand my whole life and I've finally righted myself. The rush of blood to my head is drowning me, pounding at me, I feel dizzy.

If someone, homeless or not, has an addiction, I have no idea what caused this. Whether there is a legitimate source of their addiction or not, it is not my position or duty to judge. And for that matter, it is not a matter for me to deem legitimate or not.

I am in no position to judge.

Nor am in any way superior.

Homelessness is not a fantasy, a release from the daily bonds of "life", or a lazy way out.

It is a difficult, violent, frightening, hungry, cold, hot, criminal (deemed by stupid laws and society), painful life that is usually thrust upon a person.

As I looked up sights on homelessness, I saw many how-to's. From people with experience, or from people who were at risk and it was more of a plan in case they lost their home. These accounts, all of them, humbled me. Even if it was just a checklist. It made me realize how our lives can be reduced to a few clothes, blanket, and a toothbrush.

But then there were other sights. Of people asking advice to become homeless, for whatever reason. I'm not going to lie to you. In the past, when I was younger, running away was a beautiful idea. A fantasy of freedom, escape, happiness, and above all safety and security. How wrong I truly was. A thought I grew up to know even before now. But some of these people want to "experience" it because they feel sheltered, or it seems cool, or whatever.



I understand the religious groups who go on retreats, or the people who need to find themselves, or the people who know it will humble them. But not the 17-21 group who think, "this will be soooo awesome".

If I ever got the opportunity, I would try to be homeless for a month or so. But not because I think it will be awesome. But to further understand the people I live with. Because there are homeless in almost every major city. I live in the same city with people who all have a story. Who all have a past. Who all have a future. Whether it is to remain on the streets on their own free will or to find a new way of life. Neither is the better choice. It is only an individual choice. But I would think giving up my life for a month, couldn't harm me. Choose a part of the city I think I could survive in. Live out of my car. Know what it's like to survive on the basics. Forgo worldly goods.

In India, many people go on treks such as this. Its a common and ancient practice. For weeks, months, years. It depends on when their spiritual journey has ended. But here, it's homelessness.

Either way, I am humbled.

I have walked to the edge of the cannon, I have looked, but I have not fallen. Instead, the winds carried me gently down and I realized there are many ways to climb down and up a cliff. It only matters what you view as the cliff.

I rock!!!! I totally just completed an essay that I was supposed to be working on forever and half in only an hour and a half! And i did all the research! Yay philosophy!

On March 29 a great actor died and I am truly sad for his young passing.

Oh god... so, I realized that even though I may not be a hardcore gamer like some people I know... and love! But, I still enjoy my fair share of all nighters.. which turn into all weekers... hahah... but this comic has me mesmorized! I've been reading this from start for the past few days and I can't get enough!!!!!!!!

CTRL+ALT+DEL

I salute you!

http://cad-comic.com/index.php



Look at it full size!!!!! Or zoom in... whatever is easier for you...

This is a frickin high-larious comic. Absolutely love it... There is whit, charm, absolute randomness, some insanity, enough references to games to keep you in stichs... basically my life... hahahaha.... anyways, thought i would give this comic a shout out...

Since I'm on the topic of comics... I'm gonna shout out one of the local comics, usually found in my schools satirical newspaper...

Dante's Residential is another rather funny and intelligent comic.



While I'm at it, let me take the time to also congratulate all the wonderful comics that have graced us, including the ones that have sadly left us for the big comic strip in the sky.

Calvin and Hobbes, I would live in this strip
Farside, another one that we lost ::cries a little::
BC... I have to admit this one... it's a tad bit dry... well, i'll admit, rather dry indeed, but something about this comic makes me want to keep reading
Dilbert, of course! hahah
Frank and Ernest
Even garfield!
Rose is rose, god, I love that little cat
Peanuts
Wizard of id

fsc = fart singeing condoms
fsc = free scars corporation
fsc = farm sanctioned cumin
fsc = fever sipping cat
fsc = face sucking concubine
fsc = fake surge craves
fsc = forever skin condition
fsc = forced secret comrades
fsc = forgiven sacred drought
fsc = fuck sass cum
fsc = framing starts crazy
fsc = frivolous secretious cretin
fsc = fracous schmedley of clarinets
fsc = freakish sniveling cutworm
fsc = fairy souling cravens
fsc = frequent satisfying craps
fsc = fondle sequins carefully
fsc = fumble solicitation crassly
fsc = february scale creation
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Earlier i made a list of all the things that I would never regret and why I don't have regrets. Here is a new list to add to that:

Cran-grape moments
Taquito sabotage
The making of corn mayo
Catchphrase madness
So... We are on the sidewalk
So... how DO you do the stanky leg
Toaster strudel upsetting
Midnight Sims parties
Dead and Gone cry fest
Kiss Me Through The Phone
Hey Solja Boy
5 am walmart fights
Waiting out a cop stakeout for a party, pitch black in a bathroom
Almost beating up the crab
Gaining a bad-ass reputation
Kidnapping Nicoliolio (Pringles)
Broken nose's courtesy of Chili Bowl
Megavideo... WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?! You want me to pay WHAT?
Best night ever in austin = 200 pictures
Boner guy
Casper... sit down
Midnight Taco Bell run... prettiest smile
Where's My Taco Bell Big Box
R.I.P. Cuppy
Flying drinks... Zach got what he deserved
You're Making Me Wet
I Would Totally Go Down On Someone For This Salt
Lesbian Erotica Dreams.... (btw, Megan... don't ever dream of me again)
Harry Potter Wet Dreams
Feelers!
Stuck between a fish and a loud place! hahaha
Pringles Tripped, Fell Out Of Her Clothes, Hit Her Head, and Fell On Drew
Don't Trust A Ho

So lately, life has been, meh... a flurry of work, school, and sleep... somewhere in there I find time to breath and eat, but most of the time, it's difficult. I'm excited, gonna go down to Austin this weekend! Yay! Finally gonna see Gevey again... I haven't been there in forever... it's sad. But a lack of car last semester totally killed me. Anyways, hopefully, I'll be down more often this semester. Today was crazy. I was supposed to wake up at like 8 and write my speech so I could practice all afternoon. No... instead I woke up 20 minutes before my 11 o'clock class. After trying to make it through that boring ass class, I wasted an hour just listening to music. It's amazing how easily doing that can run through an hour :( So, hurried and finished my speech and power point and ran to make it to present it. I was still late, but whatever... I think I did okay and that's all that matters.

In dorm news... my frickin room is ridiculous. I'm gonna clean it tonight and tomorrow cause I don't have class. I'm gonna try to get some pictures up on my wall and get this thing done so I can enter the whole cool room contest thingy... And plus, the room is becoming hazardous to our health if it continuous this way...

So posters or images I want on my wall:
Pictures of friends
T.I. (he is fine as fuck!)





Nuttin but stringz





Disney Stuff
Pixar Stuff
And then an entire section dedicated to vintage...

But I don't think I'll waste time putting up posters that I'm not gonna frame cause I don't wanna waste money on a poster and have it fucked up later.. you know..

So maybe I'll just buy some canvas's and paint my own stuff

Oh god.. back in school... hating it... but loving it... and my new roommate is megers so thats exciting! And we are gonna do up the whole fricking room!!! It's gonna be sick! But what's funny... my room is an absolute mess right now... we have so much shit.. but like we don't wanna clean it all up and stuff... so I'm super sad but excited because our room is gonna be so sick!!!! Haha! I can't wait to put up pictures! Anyways... i miss people already but I'm cool... anyways... I'm tired and I gotta start cleaning.. there are some crazy ass pictures that I should put up... haha! Loves!

So... yesterday sucked so much... cramps were killing me so I didn't do anything... I didn't bake with pipster, or lunch with Alex, or play with dwi dwi or sar sar when they came over... I was such a drag... but I was in pain!!!!! I'm sowy! Haha... anyways... sorta bored now and in the mood to do stuff, but I'm probably going to just clean up my mom's room today... it's a disaster.. clothes everywhere! haha... it's not her fault though, when we moved in, we dumped stuff in her room for now reason... so its finally time to make her room livable!

So... back in San Angelo... the drive here was crazy! First off all... mom wanted some chinese... on a road trip... weird? right.... anyways... so we found a place in kerville and ordered it and picked it up on the way. Then... guess what? My frickin tire decided to die on me... the threading just ripped right off! So... had to fix the tire, thank god I had a spare and a jack... and a nice old couple stopped to help us! The little old man wouldn't let me do anything, he did it all! They were so wonderful. Got to work late and harried, but that's ok. Now... just got a new tire put on and I'm gonna show my mom around town and then we're off, right back home! Yay! And... I'm getting much much much better at this stick shift! Yay me!

YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! New car!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



I Like NEW cars! haha.... I mean... its not really new new... it's a 2000 but it beats my piece O crap cougar that is gay and what not... So yay! It is a standard... but I'm learning and I'm happy with that! It's a car, it goes vroom, and it's going to be all mine!

Yay!

Guess... what... came... back... in... stock... just... now!!!!!! The fricking thing from walmart and its going to be discontinued so I'm really tempted to just buy both but I just bought something else so I have like 20 dollars less than I need and I'm really really sad!!!!!! SUCKY!

So... YAAAAAAAAY! I got a monitor that has a tv as well... its nice... and different. One thing for two functions... and actually it has a built in dvd player so thats nice... less clutter and less chords... And if you think about it.. in a dorm room this little nifty creature is great! I was sad at first because the one from walmart which was like 100 dollars less kinda sold out... but this one does have the built in dvd player... but still.. we'll see... if the dvd player dies like some people say it does then I'll take it back and buy the one from walmart... and maybe I'll even get the bigger one which is still cheaper than the one I have now... I'd have to buy a dvd player... but maybe not since its hooked up to my computer... hence a dvd player! haha... anyways... listening to Avril's version of I Will Be... I guess the original version... I still like the Leona version, but I prefer this... I don't know why she didn't sing this and gave it to Leona... it sounds better with Avril... haha... anyways... Good night... rearranged my room again because my crazy roomie I guess came up from Austin like a freak and moved her stuff into my room... so had to make some room and move stuff around... but it's still pretty open and cool... what with the turning her bed into a sofa and using her desk as like a vanity... pretty nifty that there is all this extra room now... Will put up pictures later

Contagious - Avril Lavigne



I Will Be - Avril Lavigne's Original Song



I Will Be - Leona Lewis's rendition




I Will Be - Avril and Leona (I guess this is the best version since it mixes the best of both worlds!)

So... have a couple of options right now... there is this nice tv/moniter coming for like 200... i just spent like 140 on a smaller moniter... so if i return it i can get the tv and moniter for only like 80 more... which is a great deal... and then I'd be set... but the problem is... i gotta return the moniter first... which means no computer for like a week while i wait for the moniter/tv to come in... sigh.. confused... i'm thinking that maybe i should wait for my paycheck on friday... but then what if its gone by then? I'm confused about it... sigh... oh well...... I think I'll wait today to see if I get my refund later... if not... i guess i'll just have to live a week without a computer.. i mean... I'll have access from the school library and such... but still.. no late night fun :( So yay! We picked secret santa's!!!!!!!!!!! So... I'm tired.. and bored... and missing everyone...

So... have you ever found yourself falling slowly but madly and horribly in like? Sigh... i don't know what to think anymore... I mean... how can you expect anything when you are soooooo far away? Really? I hate that because I don't know if I could do long distance... i really don't wanna... but yet... I've begun to think about him consistently and constantly and it bugs me!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHH... because I said I really didn't like him and yet I find myself more and more attracted to him... and I do love talking to him and I trust him... and he's really really sweet... and sometimes funny... but usually more like i laugh at him.... haha! no... i really really think i might like him... but you know how that might affect me? cause i don't... and what's weird... he makes me nervous to talk about that... I've never had a problem telling someone I thought was cute or something... or the opposite.. a hell no! but... now, I find it difficult to say anything.. like this to him...

Hmmm... saddness for my bestie... and her ex boy man friend... they broke up... well... actually she broke up with him and I felt really bad for him. He's been messaging me about it... and I feel bad for him... like really bad... its just cause she needs some space... and now he's trying to make up for everything he never did... which just makes it worse. He's pushing when he should be just letting her be... sigh... oh well.. he'll figure it out
Can't wait till the end of next week... pay day and school money coming in... can take caer of some business
Also excited bout rearranging my room seeing as there is a lack of roommates and what not

Will put up pictures when I can